He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
