I hate your face
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
