Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
