i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Randomize
