What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize