your parents love me but you hate me
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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