You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
