His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
