And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
