6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
