she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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