Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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