Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
