No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
