I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
He felt like a one man threesome
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize