youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Randomize
