I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
