You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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