It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize