Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The air was thick with penises
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
