you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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