They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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