apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
