I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
i think im in europe. pls send help
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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