i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
