ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
