i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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