woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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