I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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