i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize