I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
