just tell him i said nine months
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
