Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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