So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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