Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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