Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
