His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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