So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
