I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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