I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
