i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
