i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
