yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
