i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize