dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I love you. Go after that dick
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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