So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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