I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
