There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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