You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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