you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
