ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
