The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
