So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
