sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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