Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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