It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
