You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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