She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
