Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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