Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Randomize
