There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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