Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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