guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
