rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
