i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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