My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
