This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
