the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
